My Heart

"You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
It's a mystery"

I often go through my life confused with the idea of, "who am I, really?" I've been a believer for a little while now, and even though I hear how I belong to Christ and that's who I am, sometimes I just can't grasp that. I look at my heart, and I am often discouraged by who I am. There is an fight going on in my heart deciding who I am. By nature I am a mean, selfish and prideful man. Yet because of this mystery I am bound to, my heart is continually being renewed. This time it is being changed from falling in love with the things that fall, into something.... bigger. I love that has proven that it does not know how to fail.

Who am I? I'm the love of an all knowing God. I am God's beloved. I'll be with and will worship this God for the rest of time. This mystery I will never solve, but I can release the lies that I so easily believe, and hold onto the truth. Perhaps the hardest lie to overcome is how loved I am. Luckily God gives me practical examples of how much he loves me. Through relationships he's blessed me with, through a purpose, a mission God shows me, an undeserving man, that I am his beloved, I am his, I will not be parted from him because he has died for me. For better or worse, forever I will be in the truth. Tasting this life, I can see a love in God that will not fail.

This makes me smile.

So I was all about doing a sudo miniseries but I decided to take a quick break. Why? Well, to just laugh at our Lord's sense of humor. 4 months ago I was a rowdy mess that enjoyed having a good time by myself (well with friends). Now, I am a rowdy mess that enjoys having a good time with a great God loving woman, who for some reason likes me in her life. When I met Katie I had no concept of how God was going to use her in my life. Back story: yes four months does not seem like that long, but every past relationship that I had before Katie had always failed by this point. Normally by some shenanigan that I would pull, and I would usually have already made a "B" line for the door. So when I look at our relationship I can be thankful. Because A. The Lord has a sense of humor, by wanting Katie to keep me around while we try to work with a couple of stumbling Christ-lovers, and focus on who Jesus really is. And B. The girl is awesome. She actually laughs at about sixty percent of my jokes. That's a landslide victory. So for you guys that think 4 months is not long at all: How about them apples?

The Voice: Part I

In between the old testament and the new testament, after Malachi and before Matthew there is usually a blank page. This page does more than signify the transition between the old and new testaments. What this signifies is a time when God was silent. This was a time when the world was dark and dim. This was a time when the once Living God no longer spoke to the people he so cherished. For 400 years God was silent. This may not seem like that big of a deal to most, but imagine this time. It's hard for me to write about this time, because the thought of a God that so loves us not being there is hard to grasp. However this time had to happen. This time had to come so we could experience the greatest story ever told.
If you have ever seen the movie or read the book: Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, C.S. Lewis brilliantly described the time in which God was silent. When Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy arrived to Narnia they arrived to a land that was cold, dark and lonely. Sound familiar? This would be that 400 year time that earth was cold, dark and lonely. Yet the prophecy in Narnia began to become true. Aslan who had been gone for many years, yet upon the arrival of these four youths, the true king of Narnia was on the move again.
Upon the arrival of Jesus into this world, the true king of Heaven and earth, God began to go on the move again. After 400 years of silence, after the conception of the prophesied Messiah, God went on the move. God who did not fill his anyone with his spirit for nearly half a millennium came onto Mary, and chose her to be the mother of his flesh into this world. The silence had ended. God was on the move again, the true king was on the move...


More to Come...

More to come...

This is what the beach looked like tonight...

Decisiveness

One of the most intriguing decisions to make is when your response is going to alter your life. A more intriguing decision to make is one that you have to continually choose that will alter your life. Not only is that decision intriguing, but it is often difficult. Our nature is to put ourselves in such comfortable positions so that we won't have to make the hard choices that may jeopardize our comfort. For 18 years I lived a very comfortable life. Any difficult decision that I had to make that would possibly turn my world upside down I refused to make. I like the fact that I wasn't challenged past what I wanted to.

Life as I knew it came to a screeching halt one day when I decided that I was going to make a decision that would alter my life completely. It was a decision that seemed foolish to some, but to others it was a decision of life. I was questioned about whether or not what I was doing was "logical". I was called wrong for my decision. Then there was the other side, there was the side who came along side me and encouraged me. This was the same side that didn't see this as a simply "illogical" decision, but a decision that would lead me on a path that would be filled with highs and lows (and I do mean lows), but would ultimately give me such an adventure, such a thrill of life and honestly life itself.
I thought that once I made that decision everything would be different. I thought the confusing things in life would be figured out, and I thought that hard things in life would become easier. What I found out was that the confusing things got more confusing, and the difficult things got more difficult. As that happened I began to go back on my decision, I wanted to revert to what I thought was the more comfortable time, the easier times. As I reverted I soon discovered that the farther I put myself away from my decision the less...alive I felt. When I made the decision and went after it, although things were hard, it was honestly the most rewarding time of my life. I don't think alive is a cliche word here. When I say alive that is how I felt. Imagine standing on top of a tall figure whether it be a building, rock face and looking over what is below you. You take a second to breathe it all in, that moment you exhale and open your eyes, that's how living with this decision feels. I'm not saying it's easy, as a matter of fact I'm saying it's hard, at times this life is hard, but you experience things you never thought you would.
I know I reference songs quite a bit, but I feel that songs tend to grasp much of what people are thinking. The Switchfoot song, "Dare You To Move" grasps beautifully what it means to make this decision:

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

Life at times feels like we are just laying in a pile of our own mess, unable to move. So what if I said that there was more to life than that? What if I said that you are worth more than that pile of mess you think you are? I say that because I believe it. You are worth more than you could ever realize, you are loved more than you have ever felt, You are going to do more than you could ever imagine.
The decision that I had to make was the decision to get up out of my mess, and realize that redemption was upon me, that forgiveness was upon me in the form of a Jewish carpenter. A man named Jesus, who being God in flesh decided that I was worth more than mess I thought I was, and took my mess upon himself so that I may experience life through him. Who conquered death and came to me with that same life, telling me,"I dare you to move."

Each day I wake up I have to choose lift myself up off the floor, and make that decision over and over. There are times when that decision is still hard. Each day continually giving up everything I am is hard, but as I said is more rewarding than I ever thought anything I would ever do could be. I'm choosing to be different today than I was yesterday. I'm choosing to say," God, you may not like me today, but I know you love me today, so I'm going to go for it." To me a decision that is easy and comfortable isn't worth making. A decision that involves the ups and downs, the likes and dislikes, the uncomfortables, that difficult times is worth making, it's worth saying yes to. I'm still trying to figure this all out, but I know each day I choose "yes", each day I experience life a little more. It might not always seem logical, or make sense, but I don't want to make any other decision. So yeah, I'm going to keep doing this, all of this.

Hallelujah

So recently I've been trying to broaden my interest in music, and I came across an old song on my ITunes by Jeff Buckley titled, "Hallelujah." Which was actually written by Leonard Cohen. I googled the lyrics and when I saw the last lyric, I decided it was time to blog.

"I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah"

The word Hallelujah means "praise, or an exclamation of joy." I'm trying to learn a lot of what it means to be wanted by God, to be sought after by him. We live in a world that when we wrong people or when people wrong us we hold grudges. I constantly have the thought in my head that if I do wrong, then I'm no longer going to be wanted. The truth is I expect the same grace from God that I receive from people. I am limiting the loving power of Christ because I always ask why would God want to accept me. Instead of looking at this unconditional love that I am given I focus on what I am doing wrong, and how I am going to fix it. I try to do my best, it doesn't work. I try to act holy, I fall short. When things go wrong in my relationship with Christ I run. I turn around feeling rejected and don't allow myself to see this love. I don't allow myself to see the cross, the forgiveness and the fact that he died for us because he knew we weren't finished.

So what is the point of this entry? It's to hopefully remind people and myself this: "You're Wanted" One day we will all be standing together, transgressions behind us, before the Lord with nothing on our tongues but Hallelujah.

"You're Wanted."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8AWFf7EAc4

Where the Streets Have No Name

Why is this song incredible?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDkBzkA9L4s&feature=PlayList&p=0E283097E3B236D1&index=0&playnext=1

Huddle

Greater are things are yet to come and great things are still to be done. Are we content? Are we content with just sitting in church on Sundays, sitting in our small groups, sitting in our quiet times and our prayer times saying,"God it would be really cool if you would make this happen." We are too content with just wanting stuff to happen. How many times are we asking God for things, but we aren't assertive enough to stand up next to him and work with God as the things of boldness we ask for begin to happen? I hope that I can repent from those things. It's not enough to just sit in the huddle and never watch the play progress. If we never get up and meet God where he is at then we are going to sit there and watch our lives pass by, while others who are assertive enough will stand up and run next to God and see things beyond their wildest dreams.

When Peter said to Jesus, "'Lord, if it's you,' Peter replied,'tell me to come to you on the water.'" Immediately Jesus responds to Peters claim,"'Come.'" If we dare to listen you will hear the Lord saying to you, "Come." Once Peter stepped out onto the water he immediately experienced something that no other human had ever or will ever experience. That is what God promises to us. If we get out of our huddles and actually play in the game we will undoubtedly experience things that we have never.

Greater things are have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done.

Promise

ἐπαγγελία (Epaggelia) or Promise.

If there is one thing that should wake us in the morning it should be the promise of God. The promise that we have been set free from our transgressions and have been given the opportunity to experience him.

I keep thinking about Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I feel this has been kind of the synopsis of my thought process lately. For some reason I can look at myself right now and be okay with what I see. Notice I don't say fine because I want to continue my pursuit of Christ and his holiness. I may sound arrogant right now, but like I've stated I don't want to beat myself up so much for where I am not that I can't see what I've become. The beauty and majesty of God is him in his perfect holiness. I'm not there, but each day I say to God, "I choose you." He takes me one step closer to conforming to him, and less of myself. Once we realize that holiness of God, we must first decide whether or not we are willing to give up this sinful life and follow our true calling. The pursuit of Christ is exactly that, a pursuit, so we must act, we must move and get up and go after him.

That is the promise, we will be made like him one day.

I hope that I speak these things out of humility, a humility that has come through falling flat on my face, but having God find me there and lifting me up.

An Unearned Gift

One question: Do I strive for obedience for God because I want to be with God, or because I am afraid of not being with him? I believe there is a difference in that. I often desire the things of God because I don't want to be wrong. We are called to have reverent obedience to God. It's hard to put what I am thinking in my head on paper, but what I am trying to say is my fear of not really being chosen by God often inhibits my actual pursuit of Christ. This is not how I want to follow Christ, I don't want to follow Christ because I am scared of what my happen after this race is finished. I want to follow Christ for the now. I want to follow after Christ because each day when I wake up I want to be a different person, a person that is more dead to what I once was and more alive to what I am becoming. I need to constantly be reminded that I am chosen by God to do what he wants me to do now. I have too much life left to worry about what is going to happen after. My destination is set, who I will be with the rest of eternity is set, so I need to realize that I WANT to follow the Lord now.

What does obedience out of fear lead to? First off I am not following a cruel leader that demands only results. If Christ judged me today for how I will be when this race is done, I will fail. I'm not who I am going to be right now. Thankfully, Jesus does not expect that. Sanctification is a process. I honestly don't think I want to wake up tomorrow and be done with the sanctification process, allow me to continue to experience grace. That is why I follow, that is why I hope to have reverent obedience, because I want to experience grace and the gospel of Jesus Christ that was revealed to me, and which I am called to continually preach. Not fear. Submission out of fear leads to revolt, submission out of love leads to continual love. When I am standing in front of God, I don't want to say that I lived my life in fear of him saying," I don't know you." I want to live my life say to the Lord,"God, I was able to tell people that they are loved by you more than they will ever know."

"But we ought to always thank God for you, brothers loved by the Lord, because from the beginning God chose you to be save through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in truth. He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter. May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed in word." 2 Thess 2:13-17

Community

Merriam Webster defines community as:

1 : a unified body of individuals: as a : state, commonwealth b : the people with common interests living in a particular area; broadly : the area itself c : an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (as species) in a common location d : a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society e : a group linked by a common policy f : a body of persons or nations having a common history or common social, economic, and political interests g : a body of persons of common and especially professional interests scattered through a larger society
2 : society at large
3 a : joint ownership or participation b : common character : likeness c : social activity : fellowship d : a social state or condition.

I was asked to prepare a message for our young adults community, The Lift, on the basis of community. This message will kick off our February series on relationships. I began asking myself, "Well, what is community?" "What is community from a believers perspective?" "What is community from a non-believers perspective?" Is community something we just live and work in? Or is this thought of community supposed to mean something more?

I feel there are times where we beat this idea "community of believers" into each others heads that we eventually forget the meaning of how amazing it is to have such a privilege of community. That's why community means is something more than just living and working together. The people I look at that are in my community aren't people that I see on Sunday morning, but these are people that I am sharing life with. The good and bad things about life. Regardless of what they are I want to be involved with my community. If you are involved in a community that is sharing life together then you know first hand how important community is. Next time you are with your community turn to the person next to you and say,"I couldn't be doing this without you." Because we can't. Our most important asset is Christ, but the way he lived his life shows the importance of having believers around you that are pushing you toward our heavenward goal.

What is Community?
E-mail me your thoughts: Sizemore@vineyardcincinnati.com

Fix You

Whenever I hear this song I can't help but to love it. Who exactly knows what Coldplay meant this song to be used for but I just get this view of God looking at us, brokenhearted because we're broken. That is why I love this song, I can look at my life and say no matter how off I am I have a God saying "I will try to fix you." A lot of times I can't admit my brokenness. I allow my pride to take hold and try to fix myself instead of just stopping and saying, "God I am broken!" Often it takes being in the stomach of the whale before I can see how faithful and true this God is. Psalm 34:18 says,"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Here is the truth, a truth which I feel is right in front of us, but often difficult to grasp, is the fact that no matter what he wants to be there close to our broken hearts to fix us. The hurt is still going to come, that's life, but we will be repaired, renewed like we've never felt before. Picture this: you are put in charge of this small child whom you love, you care about this child more than anything in the world, this child faulters, stumbles, fails, what are you going to do? I'm going to run after that child as fast as I can and grasp them and show them that they have not failed in having my love, they have not faultered in having my love. I will run to them throw my arms around them and say "I will try to fix you." That's our God.

One of my many flaws is that I don't know how to cry. It's just never happened, but I hope that if I ever do learn how to cry that it is because I can't stand to see people broken and only desire to lead them to Jesus. "Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you."

I feel the most dangerous prayer you can pray is asking God to give you a heart like his. Loving that lost, oppressed, poor, blind, lame and rich. Breaking for the poor, lost, lame and rich. Do I have the courage to pray this prayer, and watch life as I know it begin to turn upside down and start loving like God does as opposed to my selfish way now? Who is there for those people?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73YjnOPM324

The Good Fight

The last few weeks the Vineyard has been doing a series called, "The Good Fight." This series dives into the person of Paul and takes us through his story of redemption through who he was a man of the Lord. I always ask myself the question, "What does it mean to be a man of the Lord?" I don't want to settle and give some cliche answer. Whenever I think about this, I always get frustrated where I am at now. I begin wondering, "God, why don't I get it? I'm selfish, hardened and frustrated." For those that know me they know that I am extremely competitive. This is for every aspect of my life, I love winning. That's how I am I give 100% all of the time, because I want to win all of the time. So when I look at my walk with the Lord and it's not where I think it should be I don't like it because in my eyes I'm not winning.

Here's my thought to that:
Do I believe God loves me? Do I believe he sought after me, died for me, cares about me more than I could ever realize? Do I believe God loves me right where I am? A sort of "come as you are" idea. I'm not ever going to be where I think I should be, that's not how this works, and honestly if I ever say in this life, "I'm where I should be", then I am worse off than ever before because I have forgotten how to experience grace.

So what does it mean to be a man of the Lord? I don't know exactly, but I do know if I am ever going to start in that direction I need to quit having such confidence in myself, and being frustrated where I am because there should be only one thing I am after...

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith-- that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.
(Php 3:7-15)"

Paul was about as close to being a man of God as there could be and he did it by forgetting everything he ever thought was righteous and having only dependence upon Christ.

Wish me luck.

Doors

I always say I want to see doors opened, but am I willing to be there when they're closed?

I love when I'm successful at something, everyone loves that though. The question we must ask ourselves is: In ministry, are we only showing up when doors are opened, or are we pounding at closed doors with the confidence of the Lord behind us waiting for them to be open so we can walk through those very doors side by side with our maker? We cannot simply turn around just because a door is closed, we should be loving those people even more. Is our mindset of evangelism that of someone with an agenda, or as that of someone who has no confidence in themselves or only Jesus?

What does it mean to love extravagantly?

Dating from a single guy.

Due to some reoccuring pushes I've decided to start blogging. I'm one of those people that are always thinking. Every hour of the day I am thinking about something. Sometimes they're thoughts that I feel I could share with others, sometimes they're just things that I can just laugh about. (I'm one of those people that always thinks about funny thigns and laughs out loud, makes me look like a loser quite a bit.)

After work today I had a couple of minutes so I was reading and listening to a Mark Driscoll sermon. It was one of those Q & A times he has, and someone posed the question, "Should women pursue men?" I adding my disclaimer now, I am not a relational expert. Although I might want to give this question a stab in the dark. At no point should a woman pursue a man. A woman that feels that she should pursue a man needs to tell this particular person to man up, and decide. Now subtle hints don't work, guys just don't pick that kind of thing up. We as men do need help, but not to the point where a woman feels as though she needs to pursue the man and lead the courtship, relationship, marriage or even friendship. Men are meant to do the pursuing and the leading. If a guy doesn't feel that they are, then they must repent from that feeling and take the lead. Men: pursue, Women: allow yourself to be pursued. Should a woman pursue a man? No Can a woman strategically put herself in the path or view of the man? Yes. If a woman doesn't feel as though she is being pursued and she is in "courtship" with a man, then that conversation needs to be had. It takes two people to have a relationship. Woman you can help the man lead without taking the lead. Guys if you aren't pursuing a woman that you're "courting" then stop wasting her time. You're not treating her well enough, and she deserves better than that. I'll be the first to admit I am guilty of being a coward at times, I am guilty of not pursuing as a I should, both in my friendships and any relationship I have had. I once asked my good friend Tom who has been married to his awesome wife Carolyn once,"Tom what has made your marriage with Carolyn a success?" He then answered,"Team work." Two words: Team Work. Team work in following Jesus, and team work in saying,"Let's make this work" Men pursue your woman past the point that you think will make them feel pursued. Maybe two people can team up and make this work.